This is really funny.

and true.

credit where credit is due- 

read it.



gayfamily.jpgIf white people could draft friends the way that the NFL drafts prospects it would go like this:black friends, gay friends, and then all other minorities would be drafted based on need and rarity to the region.

When choosing gay friends, white people like to base their decision on their own needs and requirements. Younger white people tend to prefer young, social gay people-this is their all important ticket into nightclubs and parties.

When a straight person goes to a gay night club, they are reminded of how progressive and tolerant they are. If they are hit on by a member of the same sex, it provides them with a valuable story that they can use to prove to their other friends that they are more progressive and tolerant. “This guy/girl hit on me, I said I was ’straight but not narrow,’ and it was totally chill. Oh, you went to an Irish bar this weekend? That’s cool, I guess. “

Older white people prefer to be friends with gay parents because it enables their children to experience much needed diversity with people who are, for all intents and purposes, exactly the same as them.

It is also worth noting that a gay friendship of any sort allows white people to feel as though they are a part of the gay rights movement. While white people love being a part of any movement, the gay movement is especially important to them because they can blend in at rallies and protests and spend an afternoon feeling the sting of oppression.

Gay friends are an essential part of a white person’s all-star diversity roster. But they are always on the lookout for the ultimate friend; a gay minority.

It is generally accepted that a gay black friend with a child is considered a once in a lifetime opportunity – like a quarterback who can pass, run, kick, and play linebacker. White people will crawl over each other for the opportunity to claim this person as a friend and add them to their roster of diversity.

Other minorities are also highly prized and assigned a ranking based on the level of intolerance in they face from their respective cultures and family members.

Once a white person has told you about their gay friends, it is recommended that you say “I wish more people were like you,” every few months. This will allow them to feel good about their progressive choice of friends and remind them that they are better than other white people.

If you follow this simple rule, you should be able to maximize all benefits of white friendship including assistance in moving and free drinks.

Dear HHS,

It’s been nice,

but I gotta peace.

In twenty days or so.



ps. the last few posts have been the result of ap statistics+boredon+streamofconsciousness+thecomputerlab

At the moment, I’m not sure there is anything better in the world than watching the Food Network and eating macaroni and cheese at the same time. Also, I am completely smitten with anything made by the designer line, Marchesa. I don’t remember a dress being literally as breathtaking as a dress I saw on their website. If I end up making my own prom dress, I will most definitely draw inspiration from their dramatic gowns. But for the moment, I really want some pan seared scallops with penne and tomato vodka cream sauce. And a cincoshake from Spot Coffee (the one on Chippewa, not Elmwood. I don’t like the Elmwood location as much cause the couches and abstract art at Chippewa are really awesome. Also, if you go on a Friday or Saturday night, you can watch the clubbers as they move from Quotes to Sub Zero to the Chocolate Bar to Jim’s Steakout [JIMS! I want a steak hoagie! Seriously, its so good! and, if you leave a tip they say THANK YOUUU really loudly.] to Soho, where the Buffalo Sabres have been known to frequent after winning a game. But some of the outfits these girls wear out is like really do you want to get pregnant? But usually I go downtown once a week. Not to get trashed or anything, fake IDs cost a ton. KIDDING. I love the city. If I lived in the middle of nowhere. like 700 miles from the nearest city, I would be SO bored. Plus, Buffalo is a cool place. Like, yeah it has its downfalls, but its great.)

Hey-o, everyone out there in SyberWorld. It’s old Creed Bratton coming at your again, here from my perch as a Quality Assurance Manager at Dunder Mifflin paper. Just a few observations on the world around me.

What do you guys think is the best kind of car? To me, you can’t beat motorcycles. They’re small, and dangerous.

I got into a car accident yesterday and I just took off. It didn’t look too bad. The guy was making a big deal out of it, but come on – dogs don’t live forever.

Sometimes when I’m sick, or feeling blue, I drink vinegar. I like all kinds: balsamic, vodka, orange juice, leaves.

Working in an office is fine, but I’d rather be a millionaire. [Elaborate on this. It’s interesting. Maybe Trademark it, too.]

Today in my office where I work as Director of Quality Assurance, we went to the beach for some reason that was never adequately explained. When we were there, our manager told us to eat hot coals. I thought that was a little bit untoward so I ate a fish. Then a woman I have literally never seen before in my entire life started talking very loudly about something involving Halpert. She was agitated, I’d say. From what I could guess, she was definitely on drugs of some kind, perhaps cocaine, or maybe ‘drines. Also, she is a knock-out. She reminds me of a young Daphne Du Maurier. Also, I stupidly ate the fishbones. I told myself “never again” after the last time, but then you turn around, and bam, they’re in my mouth. I also ate 55 hot dogs in 15 minutes, which is a world record.

Everybody remembers: “April showers bring May flowers.” But no one remembers how the rest of that goes. Which I find so frustrating.

Prediction: the Orioles will win the World Series over the Pirates in seven games.

Prediction: the space program will be renamed the Outer Space Program by 2060.

Prediction: someday we will be able to travel faster than sound. We will “break the sound barrier.”

Prediction: [note – need more predictions.]

Reminder: Michael’s safe combo: 26-32-20.
(this is courtesy of

1. pioneers-bloc party  4.5/5

2. on the lie- goo goo dolls 3/5

3. without panasos- the anniversary 4/5

4. better open the door- motion city soundtrack 3/5

5. black balloon-goo goo dolls 4/5

6. always love- nada surf 5/5

7. these words- natasha bedingfield 3/5

8. two days in february(live)- goo goo dolls 4/5

9. true to me- metro station 2.5/5

10. picture to burn- taylor swift 4/5

You’ll come to this

you could be a lion

there is a chance you might miss

but you aren’t even trying

the race is in progress

the leaders pull ahead

soon you’ll be a mess

then before long you’re dead

right now you’re in your prime

youth is truely beauty

but you may be running out of time

slow metabolism yields a huge booty.

so do not wait any longer

your value will depreciate

their yearn for you won’t get stronger

some advice to you: don’t wait.


I’d like to give a shout out to all the non HHS students on the world wide web who actually read this.
(if there are any)

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